Holy Hell! O_O

I haven't written in this blog in ages! Well, much updating to be done! I *did* get that internship over the summer, which turned into a full-time gig. Unfortunately, David decided to pack up ED7 and move back down to San Diego and liquidate everything. He's auctioning off the rest of his goods with some high-end company and leaving his studio lights and misc equipment to me =D. Woohoo! In other news, I finally sent in all my stuff to "Ignite" (the magazine looks amazing!) and I started working for Azalea in Hayes Valley, doing their product shoots and updating the website. It's pretty bomb. I like all the new clothes..just need to work on getting everything settled and organized. There's just so much to do that I'm a little overwhelmed...as of late all my personal projects are backed up. I've toyed with idea of pulling more time out of my ass and extending my work day..but then I would want to stab myself in the face... repeatedly with a handful of expired animal tranquilizers. But I don't think many people would want to work with a photographer who's face quivers with needles every time words manage to escape her mouth. RAWR. So a couple of bumps with this latest project, but that's ok. I'm shooting this Sunday with Aaron Sticotti. He's going to play my Odin out in Sutro baths. After work I'm gonna grab his wardrobe and use the rest of the day to work on my site...if I have time before Ashley and Molika's thing, more work on Azalea. GODS! SO MUCH TO DO. Yesterday, I was so overwhelmed with people not coming through and just shit piling on top of itself that my eyes started leaking and strange strangled angry sounds came out of my mouth. I think I might have swallowed a turtle...because it sounded like a warped version of what a turtle sounds like when it's having sex. Was that gross? You bet it was. Anywho, when my face stopped peeing and making those horrible noises, I calmed down and went back to work. What the fucking else can you do?!? ;D Oh well, somehow I'll factor gym visits to keep me sane. Got a list of trainers willing to trade with me for sessions. MAO. Off to do more work! Ninja ninja ninja!

;-;

;_; i dont know what im doing...or whats going on. all i know is that i feel like im fucked. i. am. terrified. this body suit of tingles that keeps forming over my skin is starting to get heavy. i can barely raise my arms or lift my head. ;_; and every time i try to shake it off, it just comes back thicker. all this shit makes me nervous. ..she makes me nervous. what the fuck am i doing?

@@

It's been a while since I've actually shot anything that wasn't an event. :O The more complete I become the weirder I feel. =] Oh well! Here's one I did of Ilektra a while back when I was bored in the basement room.





This upcoming weekend is Pride weekend. So I guess I'm supposed to be gayer for those 2 days than I am during the rest of the year. I dunno if it can be done, but it should be fun. lol oh jeez. seriously though. I'm so tired. I'm using this week to detox for Sat and Sun. Yeah. Ugh. TIRED. x.x I just wanna sleep.

o.o

"I'm ready. Sign me up. Where do I start?"

"How's" the question isn't it?

lists.

I might have to fly out to the Philippines on Sunday. More family trouble. But I'm OK..and everything else will be too. Whether or not I go depends on what my boss has to say. I already know that the people at my gym job are gonna hate me..but I don't know what else I can do. Life happens. Mew. Tomorrow I'm just gonna wake up early and try to get as much done as I can before work. Abs class...quick run...then city hall. La-di-daaa. We'll see. Hopefully I get everything done.


Ah. So today I got sick of editing GAP photos...so I revisited an older shoot.

Model: Jenny Ma

a new set of balls.

bigger ones.

better ones.

that's what it feels like i've got. ok. not literally. but i feel better about things. less scared. and i feel good. i just want to get better! create! =] and it seems like i'm still breathing, so i definitely have time to do those things.



other things on my mind? yep. im such a guy. =]

Fear Eats the Soul

I'm terrified.

Constantly terrified of failure. I feel so crazy sometimes. I'm so obsessed with this possible future...this career...that everything else blurs into the background. I wonder about my difficulty to interact normally at work. I'm comfortable with any social situation that doesn't pertain to my profession. When it does, I suddenly become introverted and only want to bury my head in my projects. Which I suppose isn't necessarily a bad thing...but it's becoming increasingly hard for me to carry out a normal conversation. All of a sudden my words feel forced, unsure... frightened! I am so intimidated by these people! I can do it! I know I can! >_< But I'm so fucking scared! I need some balls! WTF, kid!?!? ::punches self:: If you have a spare pair, please donate it to the "Kina-needs-to-stop-being-a-damn-pansy-ass" Fund.






Listening: MGMT - Kids
yay! my happy song! >=O